Reality #1: There is no such thing as “color blindness.”

If you are proclaiming as a potential or new parent that you are “color blind” and that “skin color doesn’t matter,” please examine what you are saying—and stop saying it. Stop believing it. If you cannot do that, then do not adopt a child of a different race.

Your belief that skin color is not a “thing” only contributes to the problem of race relations and stereotyping in this world. You can’t deny what is sadly omnipresent in our society—you must face it, fiercely and with coping mechanisms at the ready. Now is not the time to bury your head in the sand and proclaim that “skin color doesn’t matter.” As much as we’d like to believe that it doesn’t, the reality is much different.

For example, in a 2015 blog post for Today’s Parent, author Jackie Gillard (Caucasian woman and mom of daughter Nyah, adopted from South Africa), had this to say:

“We live in a diverse community, and perhaps I was a little naive, but I didn’t imagine the color of her skin would be such an issue. We knew before her adoption that a black child in a white family would invite questions and opinions, which we thought we’d be able to answer with educated, sensitive responses. We accept being an example for the evolving definition of ‘family’ but didn’t anticipate that we (and Nyah) would feel such resentment toward all the scrutiny. She has been called ‘poop’ by some kids in her class and has been told by others that her skin color is the reason she’s left out of playgroups. I feel guilty that she has to deal with any of this; I simply wanted to be a mother. Nyah has told me a few times that she wishes she ‘matched’ her family and has even asked me if I wish I’d made a white baby in my tummy instead of adopting her. We assure her often that we love her because of her beautiful skin, not in spite of it. How can I explain that I only wish I had conceived and given birth to her?”

Robyn Wells (mom of an adopted son from Ethiopia) explained to writer Karen Valby in an adoption article for Time Parents that she was prepared for many realities of transracial adoption but “at no point in the process of considering transracial adoption did I think I would have to teach my son how to stay alive.”

Reality #2: With the adoption of your child comes a new culture that your family gets to be part of.

Get ready for your world to become bigger, because as a transracial adoptive family, you get to dive into a whole other culture that your family is now directly connected to, thanks to your child. The benefits of this cannot be overstated. For example, when my husband and I adopted our son from South Korea, we were overwhelmed by the acceptance we felt as part of the South Korean culture. We joined an adoptive parents playgroup that consisted of other couples who had adopted children from South Korea through our agency. We have attended Korean holiday celebrations, met many families from South Korea, went to a Korean Culture Camp run by Korean Americans for families with adopted children from South Korea, and the list goes on. We now consider South Korea to be part of our family’s culture. Had we not adopted our son, this huge and important piece of our life would have never existed. Katie, adoption blogger at Loving Well Living Well and white mom of an adopted black daughter, says it best in her blog post “10 Truths and Realities of Transracial Adoption,” reminding parents to not only embrace their child’s culture but to face the difficulties and challenges of being a transracial family head-on: 

“To have an additional layer of heritage, culture, and race imprinted in your family’s makeup creates a life that is richer, deeper, and fuller. To embrace a community, a way of life, and a culture that may differ than the one you were born into opens your eyes to a beauty which may not have been exposed without having a family member born from that community. That honor comes with a distinct obligation a parent must face square on to ensure a successful transracial adoption experience. Unfortunately, this responsibility can be unintentionally neglected and has led to damaging effects on a child’s identity, understanding, and coping mechanisms which continue throughout their life.”

For Katie’s recommendations on how parents can equip their children (and themselves) to deal with racism and stereotypes, read her full blog post here.

Reality #3: You are not “saving” your child. Don’t adopt simply because you want to be some sort of hero.

Please do not let the concept of “saving a poor, innocent child” be the reason that you adopt a child—any child, let alone a child of another race. Karen Valby, a mom and writer who lives in Austin, Texas with her husband (both of them are white) and two daughters, one Ethiopian and one African American, says this about Jane Jeong Trenka’s memoir, The Language of Blood, in which Trenka discusses the “imposition of forced gratitude”:

“Neighbors in her all white conservative Minnesota town loved to remind her how very lucky she and her sister were that their German Lutheran parents rescued them from Korea. Her parents called her ‘chosen,’ a verbal tic that made the author feel like a sale item from a department store. Any questions or fantasies about her birth mother seemed like a betrayal of their gift of family. How can one build an authentic relationship of love and trust with a person to whom you’ve been made to feel you owe an unpayable debt?”

—From Valby’s article in Time Magazine Parents, titled “The Realities of Raising a Kid of a Different Race”

Are you ready to pursue adoption? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to connect with compassionate, nonjudgmental adoption specialists who can help you get started on the journey of a lifetime.

The post 3 Realities of Transracial Adoption appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

1. Your country choice will guide your entire journey.

Each country has very specific requirements for adoptive parents. Many of those requirements center around age, length of marriage, and number of children already in your home. Some countries have additional medical limitations while others have specific rules about the ages of the children already in your home. Beyond the household rules, there are additional requirements per country for your home study and dossier. Some countries require psychological evaluations for everyone in the home, but others do not. Your country choice will also determine what your journey will look like; while some countries have referral programs, others have waiting children lists to choose from. Whatever country’s requirements match your family’s situation, that country will set up the rest of your adoption journey schedule for you.

2. The cost of plane tickets may be your most expensive fee.

When you adopt internationally, your bills will look very different from those adopting domestically. Your fees will include things like translation services, legal representation in country, NGO services, food while traveling, and plane tickets. And, though each fee is a little more painful than the last, the plane tickets will often be your biggest sum (and you most likely won’t have a lot of turnaround time to fundraise for them).

3. You will need to prepare yourself linguistically and culturally.

Adopting internationally means that you now have a child who was born into a different culture, speaking a different language. Even if your child looks like you on the outside, there may be significant culture differences that you will encounter within the first few months home. Familiarizing yourself with your country’s cultural practices and traditions and learning some key words and phrases in the native tongue of your new child will help ease your transition into a forever family. Your child may have food preferences (e.g. preferring meats and cheeses if born in an eastern European country), personal space variations, style preferences, etc. Though some of those things may be different due to being raised in an institution, learning the cultural nuances of your child’s birth country will help ease the transition. Learning a few linguistic phrases will help you communicate during those first few difficult months; it will help you keep the child safe, teach him or her to communicate with you, and help establish a healthy bond from the start.

4. Limiting your welcoming committee will help your attachment relationship.

When you adopt, there is often a period of time called “cocooning” after you bring your child home that agencies and social workers will strongly suggest you utilize. Limiting who comes into contact with your new addition will positively impact your attachment relationship right after you come home. Your child will probably not fully understand what has happened or what his or her new role is within your family. The concept of “mom” and “dad” will be difficult to grasp, so limiting who welcomes you home off the airplane to immediate family and grandparents will set you up for deeper understanding of your new parent-child relationship. And, although it may be difficult to tell Aunt Sally that she can’t meet your new child at the airport, it may really help set the stage for attachment success.

5. Your journey may feel like a marathon with the last few months feeling like a sprint. 

Many international adoption routes involve long wait times. Even if you are open to special needs or older children, if you are going more of a traditional route where you wait for a match from the government/adoption committee in your country of choice, then you may be waiting longer than you wish you had to. From the time you submit your initial screening application to your agency to the time you are matched with your child, there may be anywhere from weeks to months (depending on country choice and child parameters). Once you are matched, the process often speeds up, and you will be on an airplane with a frightened toddler before you know it. So, fundraise, gather paperwork, set up the new bedroom while you have the chance, because once you have a picture of the child’s face, the whole world seems to speed up, and there won’t be enough minutes in the day.

6. You will now cheer for two countries during the Olympics.

Though your patriotism for the USA may run deep, you are now forever connected to a new place. Even if your child does not have fond memories or a positive experience from the orphanage, or if you are having to limit contact with foster parents from across the sea, the culture, traditions, and heritage of that country are in the blood of your new child. Teaching him or her to love and appreciate heritage may look like you cheering for the birth country’s Olympic team. So, fly that American flag high, and proudly fly the other country’s flag right below it.

Navigating international adoption can be tricky. You are dealing with multiple languages, plane tickets, maps, and foreign food. You may be caught off guard by your NGO interpreter or not understand why your new child keeps eating soup with his or her hands. You may not understand why the government wants you to submit your fingerprints for the fourth time this year or why your country choice seems to be more unstable than your other options. But, know that your child will be well worth the battle.

Are you and your partner ready to start the adoption process? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to begin your adoption journey. We have 130+ years of adoption experience and would love to help you.

The post 6 Things To Know Before Starting International Adoption appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

There’s not much to do while you’re temporarily living in a hotel room with a newborn, but it’s actually the perfect scenario for bonding. My son and I spent some time skin-to-skin, which is becoming a more common hospital practice between moms and babies. Even though I didn’t give birth to him, I still felt like it was important for us to spend time bonding this way. Research shows that skin-to-skin has health benefits for babies, such as stabilizing body temperature, breathing, and heart rate. Babies also cry less, and parents are thought to be more confident and relaxed. Moms and dads can both partake in this bonding, too. So, spend some time with your naked baby on your bare chest and get to know one another! Other physical ways to bond with your newborn might be bath time or adoptive breastfeeding.

Cocooning is another great way for adoptive parents to bond with their newborns or even older children. The definition of cocoon is “to envelop or surround in a protective or comforting way,” and that’s exactly what the goal of cocooning is for adoptive parents. Cocooning is about setting boundaries with family and friends and focusing on your little family. Ideally, adoptive parents do all the caring for their child; all the feeding, diapering, soothing–anything and everything their child needs. It’s not that you don’t want other people to love on your child, but it’s about creating connection and stability. It’s all about bonding. Some parents may want to practice cocooning for a year, while others may do it for just a few weeks. Find something that really works for your family. 

Lastly, get to know your child’s birth family; it’s a peek into their DNA and history. Open adoptions, though they vary in openness, are thankfully very common today. We were fortunate to spend time with our son’s birth mom after he was born. We got to ask questions and see and hear her. She is part of our son, so it was important for us to know her and continue growing our relationship with her. As I bond with her, I feel more closely bonded to my son.

Considering adoption? Let us help you on your journey to creating your forever family. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post How to Bond with Your Child appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

1.      Cocooning

For a new adoptive family, cocooning can be so important as you implement family ties and new family rules. Although it can be tough, cocooning is crucial to your new child’s understanding of home. Cocooning typically means staying home for 2-3 months after pick up, refraining from doing things that contain lots of strangers and new places (i.e. church, family gatherings, play groups, etc). This also means controlling who comes into your home. Lessening the amount of people who come into your child’s new space will help them realize that this home is their new place of safety and that their new immediate family are the ones who live there.

2.      Family Contact Only

When your new child needs a diaper change, water, food, new clothes, or anything that is important to their survival and health, you, as the parents, need to be the ones to supply those. Your child needs to be seeking you out for things they need–not grandma, teacher, or the babysitter. Even if this means you are feeding people constantly all day long without any help, doing this for the first few months will help set you up as the caregivers. It will help your child realize that you are the ones they need to reach out to for help or assistance. Limiting contact with anyone outside your immediate family will help too – grandma will just have to be okay with high fives and handshakes for a couple months. Hugs and kisses need to be reserved for mom, dad, and siblings only for a little while. Your extended family can always help out in other ways, like doing the laundry, cooking meals, helping to run errands, or taking your other (well attached) children out to play.

3.      Bump up the Love

Hug, kiss, love on your child. Physical touch is so important to their growth and, especially if they are an older child, they most likely haven’t had the touch and care that a well-attached child would have. Doing these things will not only help them attach to you, it will also help encourage attachment from you to them (which can sometimes be even more challenging). 

4.      Meet them where they are.

Your child will come home with difficulties, even if you took them home right from the hospital. Stress and trauma can be transferred even in utero, so big things, like an adoption, can make even attachment with a newborn a little difficult. But, especially if your child is older, they are coming home to you with a history, a past that is all they know. The developmental delays, physical issues, misunderstandings, inappropriate behaviors, etc. are all how they have survived their past life. Meeting them where they are can be really tough – you want to push them and love them until they meet their potential! But, helping show them that you love them unconditionally, that you care no matter what, is the most important building block you can create. Accepting and meeting them where they are can be the foundation you need to spur on an appropriate attached relationship with your new child.

Attachment, both your child to you and you to your child, can be a difficult thing. Learning about proper bonding with someone with immediacy isn’t natural, so using these methods will help to foster the appropriate attachment your family needs to grow. If things continue to get difficult, please seek out a skilled and knowledgeable counselor, either for your child or yourself.

Do you feel there is a hole in your heart that can only be filled by a child? We’ve helped complete 32,000+ adoptions. We would love to help you through your adoption journey. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post 4 Methods That Will Help Adoptive Families Bond appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

1. Creative parenting is key.

Creative love, creative words, creative discipline, creative bonding experiences; creativity all the way around. Our house is a free for all, and that means we do what works. Some days it means time outs, some days it means time ins, some days it means wrestling with daddy before bed, some days it means a quiet book before bed, some days it means adventuring outside all day, some days it means making a tape road through the entire house and driving Hot wheel cars from one end to the other. As I am typing this, I am thinking that this doesn’t sound intentional at all, however, the intent lies in the creativity.

2. You must know your child.

Study them, talk to them, get to know them, and remember what you learn. Our 5-year-old son is starting to recognize the fact that we love getting to know him, and it brings a smile to my heart when I see him figure that out. When I bring his favorite snack to preschool pick up or when his dad finds a job they can do together that he knows our son will enjoy, that is showing him how much he matters to us and how valuable he is to our family.

3. Be available.

Continually. Every second of every day. Forever. Kids need to know you are there and always will be. Adopted kids need to know it just as much and sometimes, even more. Make it known, and if you ever fail, apologize and don’t fail again. Bedtime at our house is a nightmare, every single night. We have a 5-year-old adopted son with Sensory Processing Disorder, a 3-year-old adopted daughter and a 1-year old biological son. Bedtime is a nightmare. Did I say that already? Being available at bedtime is a necessity, and they want us right there, every single night. Read me a book mommy, lay with me daddy, sing a beautiful song to me mommy, tickle my back daddy, don’t leave until I’m asleep mommy. It is a challenge, but we have become very aware, after about four years of our own ignorance, that their little hearts and minds need to know that we will be there whenever they need us.

4. Take every opportunity to bind your hearts together. 

This past summer I read an article titled ‘Take the trip.’ I immediately sent it to my husband with pictures of beach resorts soon to follow. He came home from work and sighed a big, stressful sigh but then hugged me and said, “Of course, we will take the trip.” He’s awesome like that. We adopted our daughter in June and we took the trip in September. We had no money, seriously, but it was the best trip we have ever taken as a family. We stayed on the beach with my in-laws, and we relaxed, beached, pooled, and slept. We didn’t run to the aquarium, we didn’t eat out, we didn’t go to the gift shop every day. It was marvelous, and it was just another experience that imprinted our love on their little hearts and minds. Take the trip, friends, make memories that they will not forget. 

5. Be intentional.

Be intentional in your love, studying, availability and bonding. Intent. Give them your best and forever is sure to be yours.

Happy adopting!

Are you ready to pursue adoption? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to connect with compassionate, nonjudgmental adoption specialists who can help you get started on the journey of a lifetime.

The post 5 Things You Need To Create a Forever Adoptive Family appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

You can’t judge a book by its cover.

I could just as easily have gone with things aren’t always as they seem or even, all that glitters isn’t gold. The point they all make is don’t take anything at face value. Do your due diligence! When it comes to agencies, international affiliates, websites, and all things adoption, it’s important to research everything and use only reputable contacts. Unfortunately, a thing of beauty doesn’t only attract beautiful people, and the more you investigate before you’ve wrapped your heart (and let’s be honest here, your finances) around a particular country or child, the more certain you can be of your decision. Better safe than sorry. (You saw that one coming, didn’t you?)

Adoption is a labor of love.

We may have missed the physical pain associated with childbirth, but we are not without labor. Research, home studies, dossiers, parenting classes, and the like, can leave you wishing coffee could be administered via IV drip. But just as a laboring woman bears through the contractions, we push through the next contract and sign our names for the ten-thousandth time. Seriously, hand cramps are no joke. And while many women suffer long physical labors, ours can last weeks, months, even years. Which brings us to our next cliché…

A watched pot never boils. 

You dotted the last ‘i’ and crossed the last ‘t,’ and there’s nothing left to do but wait. It’s excruciating, I know. The social worker moves so slowly. The agency moves so slowly. The government moves so slowly. Even the line at the grocery store moves so slowly. Everything in your being screams, “I’m ready to hold my baby in my arms now,” but it feels like everything in your world has been sucked into a time warp of slow motion. The hardest piece advice I was ever given (and the one I wish I’d actually followed) was to just breathe–to not waste the days pining for what will be but try, really try, to see every waiting day as another day to prepare yourself by taking care of yourself.

Because we all know, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Get some exercise, take a walk, take a nap, or read a book. It will happen! You will have your child in your arms soon and it will be all the beauty and wonder you’ve imagined. And a lot more. More work, more energy, more emotion than you ever thought possible. And less. Less sleep, less sanity, and way fewer showers. Trust me, you will need those self-care reserves to fall back on. In the end, it will all be worth it because meeting your child face-to-face for the first moment truly is…

Love at first sight.

Are you and your partner ready to start the adoption process? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to begin your adoption journey. We have 130+ years of adoption experience and would love to help you.

The post 5 Clichés That Are True About Adoption appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

First of all, be proactive about adoption! Decide ahead of time how your family and child is going to handle this topic. Are you an open book? Do you want to keep things personal and not discuss the details? Whatever you decide, decide it ahead of time. Realize that adoption looks and feels different to each family and that no two families may handle it the same way–and that’s okay! Make sure to let your child’s school know which path you prefer to take before your child or their school district becomes uncertain and makes things uncomfortable. Don’t hesitate to spell it out either. Clear expectations or boundaries put everyone at ease. They know what they can or cannot say or do, and your child won’t have to take on the role of middle-man.

Also, whether or not you want to keep your personal life private or not, use this opportunity to educate others at the school. Does their library offer books on the topic? Chances are you researched adoption long and hard as the process went on, so share that knowledge! Give ideas of some favorite books for both adults and children that the library may want to invest in. Perhaps you have a subscription to a favorite adoption magazine that you could offer to donate to the school library? Or get completely involved and offer to read to your (younger child’s) classroom as a guest one day using your favorite book on the topic of adoption.

Sometimes it’s good to recognize the obvious and call it out before your child’s friends do. For example, our children’s last names changed with the adoption in the middle of the school year. Rather than pretend that it didn’t happen we celebrated it! We sent cupcakes and balloons and invited classmates to a party at our house. Of course, this brought with it TONS of questions, but I highly suspect these questions would’ve surfaced eventually anyway. This became a quick blast of questions and before the novelty wore off and things settled right back down. It was a personal choice to take on the adoption like we did but I felt it was better than all the shadowy questions and whispers–people felt more comfortable with the topic because we were. And, to be honest it made it easier to catch the inappropriate or uncomfortable questions right away and let others know when it was out of line. 

You could take the focus off of your particular adoption altogether and just try to see if your school would be interested in doing something for National Adoption Month. Maybe just bringing awareness helps the subject not seem so daunting to discuss. Depending on how far you want to take things, perhaps you could set up some type of clothing or toy drive for foster care kids waiting for adoption. Lots of local resources should be available with a simple search online and nearly all would gladly welcome the thoughts and gifts.

Adoption is a personal issue but it doesn’t have to be a quiet one. Adoption can be loud, colorful, creative, and HAPPY. Your local school is just another member of the village it takes to raise your child. They will be supportive no matter which path is right for you, just make sure you let them know which path that is!

The post Teaching Your Child’s School About Adoption appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

1. Adopting to Save a Marriage

It may seem shocking, but adopting or seeking a pregnancy in order to try and “save” a relationship is unfortunately all too common. Some may go into an adoption plan with the best of intentions, thinking a child will bring them and their partner together. However, this does not typically tend to be the case. While children are a blessing and a joy, they also put even more strain on already strained relationships. If you do not have a solid relationship with your partner, now may not be the time to adopt. Focus on your partner and gaining a healthy relationship before bringing a child into the mix.

2. You or Your Partner is Not Fully on Board

Trying to save a marriage is not the only way a relationship may be ruined through adoption. You or your partner may have your heart set on adoption. You may have always thought you would adopt and even have talked with your partner about it before. However, people change. Plans change. If you or your partner is not committed to adoption 100%, you should definitely wait to adopt or change your course. Adoption is not for everyone. You can certainly take the time to make sure you and your partner are educated about all aspects of adoption in order to make an informed decision, but at the end of the day, if you or your partner are not on board with adoption, you should not start on the adoption journey. Going against a partner’s wishes, especially with a decision as impactful as adoption, will only create resentment and discord.

3. You’re Drowning in Debt

While you do not have to be rich in order to adopt, adoption is very expensive. There are ways for those with an average income to adopt such as grants or loans. However, if you are drowning in debt, you need to address that first. Agencies will not be looking for you to be rich, but they will make sure you are financially able to take on the responsibility of a child. If you are hemorrhaging money each month and not even making it to the next paycheck, this may disqualify you even if you decide to try to move forward. Adding a child to the mix will only make that debt worse and is not fair to the child. Take the bull by the horns and sort out your finances so you can adopt when the time is right.

If you want to learn more about how to adopt a baby, or adopt a child, visit Adoption.com.

The post 3 Red Flags That Mean You Should NOT Adopt appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

Deciding to adopt is a big step, and the decisions don’t end once your answer to adoption is “yes.” In fact, they’ve only just begun! The information that’s out there is endless—and overwhelming. You may be thinking, “Where do I even begin? What do I do now?”

Well, for one—you stop doing all that keyword searching and website scanning. Because we’ve identified some stellar sites that are great guideposts toward your adoption goal.

Are you ready to dig in? Let’s go!

1. For Those Hoping to Adopt a Baby

Adoption.com has an entire section devoted to how to adopt a baby in the United States. This organized site answers questions, by topic, clearly and logically arranged. The design makes navigating the site really nice: It’s uncluttered, with open space and colorful images. It’s a visually appealing exhale into some fresh, open space during a time that can feel complicated and “closed in.”

On this site:

•       Learn about adoption—what it is, and where to start.
•        Check out Lindsey Redfern’s How to Adopt a Baby Guide: The Basics of Domestic Infant Adoption.
•        Download the eBook, Adopting a Baby in the US?, and get inspiration/motivation from noted author and adoptive dad Russ Elkins.
•        Peruse the directory of adoption services (searchable by state).
•        Find a home study professional.
•        Join one of the many parent forums. Get in on the chit-chat, and make lifelong connections!

2. For Those Hoping to Adopt a Child

This covers a wider swath of the adoption arena, but those interested in adopting a baby or infant can still find plenty of great resources:

•        Start with Sandra Benointon’s How to Adopt a Child Guide.
•        Check out the waiting child photolisting. (Talk about an explosion of cuteness!)
•        Get marketing tips and insights helpful to hopeful parents. Create YOUR perfect “Parent Profile” that explains to birth parents why they should choose you to adopt their baby. And read success story after success story of happy families united through adoption.

3. For Those Seeking Strong Community

Adoption.com is the online home to the world’s largest adoption community: Almost 241,000 members! Nearly 3 million posts to date! What else?

•        Forums – Connect with others about how to adopt a baby and more.
•        Questions – Get answers to all of your adoption questions—both common and not so common.
•        Groups – Join one. Join several. As you scroll, you’ll see group names like Hoping to Adopt a Baby. How to Choose an Adoption Professional. What to Expect During Your Adoption Journey. Take a deep dive into community—you’ll find the support you’re seeking.
•        Adoption Blogs – Immerse yourself in the words/experiences of adoption professionals and those in the adoption triad.
•        Videos – You’ll need a box of tissues handy for this one. It’ll inspire you to stay the course!

4. For Those Seeking the Latest Adoption News

Adoption News covers up-to-the-minute articles on families’ adoption stories, struggles, and successes. Everything from how-to articles to blogs. From a “sweet and soft teen with special needs” seeking her forever family to a son who donated his kidney to his adoptive mom, many of these stories will keep you smiling—and ever hopeful that adoption will happen to you, too.

5. For Those Seeking the Modern-Day Magic 8-Ball, Take 1

Can you say, “Q & A”?

This next website is helpful in a way that feels very different from the support/info you receive on Adoption.com. (But, these two sites are complementary—not opposing.) It just depends on the way you as a researcher and future parent choose to search for and receive your information. The structure of this website is brilliant—it’s set up as a series of questions. And what is the one thing that prospective adoptive parents have, more than anything else? QUESTIONS!

The site’s most prominent feature is “The Big Blue Search Box” at the top of the home page. It’s structured as a series of fields to be filled in—name, contact info, dropdown list of topics (one of which is “I am hoping to adopt”), and, finally, the magic field: “Ask a Question.” Enter your question, and then click or unclick a box saying, “I would like to be contacted by an adoption professional that can help answer my question.” It’s like a magic 8 ball, except it’s blue and rectangular. And although you can’t hold it in your hand, it’s a mouse-click away—and so are the answers to all of your questions.

6. For Those Seeking the Modern-Day Magic 8-Ball, Take 2

Although The Big Blue Search Box is a key part of this website, it’s not the only part. There’s a lot more to the site as you scroll down. Let’s revisit the fact that this site is organized entirely by a series of topical questions.

This site’s look is attractive and calming, mainly for its use of soft, muted color, visually appealing photographs, and a nice ratio of open space to accessible “boxes” of information. Each question appears in a box, along with a visual, a small blurb, and “Read More.” It doesn’t overwhelm you with “too much information” or “too many links all at once.” It’s just the right amount of information for an adoption-researching brain to process. For each “question box,” you can quickly scan the content, decide if it’s worth a deeper dive, and either read more or move on.

The questions in each box vary from “What education do I need before I can adopt?” to “What should I look for in an adoption-related counselor?” to “What do birth mothers wish adoptive parents knew?”

Well, there’s one thing we know for sure: You can do this. Dive deep. Get the answers you seek from these 6 stellar sources! At the other end of all of this research is the baby you were meant to parent. Have faith, and never give up hope that it’ll happen.

For more information on how to adopt a baby, visit Adoption.com. To show your support for adoption and give an adoption gift for someone in the adoption triad, visit AdoptionGifts.com.

Considering adoption? Let us help you on your journey to creating your forever family. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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1. Birth parents come from all walks of life.

Birth parents aren’t always the stereotypical 16-year-old girl who got pregnant. Birth moms can be 32 with a house full of children. Or dads who would like to do it alone but can’t. Birth parents are not the stereotypes the media often makes them out to be.

2. Birth parents are regular people.

Birth parents have a story just like everyone else. They feel things deeply and have limitations. Like many, they have lived through tragedy or abuse. They have hopes and dreams. And sometimes feel trapped by circumstances. They get confused, weigh options, and do their best.

It is said that everyone experiences grief and loss differently. So, we are all together in that, too. For many birth parents it is a long road to heal from the tremendous loss of placing a child for adoption. It may feel like an open wound–a limb that’s no longer there. But for birth parents, closure does eventually come.

3. Birth parents are generous gift givers.

My son’s birth mother once told me how happy she was that she had a part in helping me become a mom. She knew what a long struggle it had been for us trying to conceive. She also knew the joy of motherhood, having three children of her own.

She wanted us to know how much she loved her unborn son. She wanted him to have the chance to receive the extra care he would need. Especially given the history of special needs in the family.

During the Entrustment Ceremony at the hospital, our son’s birth mom expressed her thoughts in a handwritten poem called God’s Beautiful Gift. In it she talked about sending a prayer to God that he might guide our hands, hearts, and minds down the right path, for our son to become refined and shine. She asked that we pass the poem along to our son when he is old enough. (Which we totally will do.)

It’s incredible how we are all connected in this life. Especially when it comes to our adoption stories. If we choose to see each other with compassion in our hearts, then we will be able to embrace the gifts that are offered to us. And this is something that children can carry with them forever.

If you want to find an adoption gift for the birth parent in your life, or anyone in the adoption triad, visit AdoptionGifts.com.

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