Birth mothers are beautiful. They deserve to be remembered well–whether that be attributes mentioned in a life book, or a picture of a happier time hanging on the wall. Without birth parents I wouldn’t be the adoptive mother that I am. Based on my experience, there are a few things I wish people knew about birth parents.
Birth parents come from all walks of life.
Birth parents aren’t always the stereotypical 16-year-old girl who got pregnant. Birth moms can be 32 with a house full of children. Or dads who would like to do it alone but can’t. Birth parents are not the stereotypes the media often makes them out to be.
Birth parents are regular people.
Birth parents have a story just like everyone else. They feel things deeply and have limitations. Like many, they have lived through tragedy or abuse. They have hopes and dreams. And sometimes feel trapped by circumstances. They get confused, weigh options, and do their best.
It is said that everyone experiences grief and loss differently. So, we are all together in that, too. For many birth parents it is a long road to heal from the tremendous loss of placing a child for adoption. It may feel like an open wound–a limb that’s no longer there. But for birth parents, closure does eventually come.
Birth parents are generous gift givers.
My son’s birth mother once told me how happy she was that she had a part in helping me become a mom. She knew what a long struggle it had been for us trying to conceive. She also knew the joy of motherhood, having three children of her own.
She wanted us to know how much she loved her unborn son. She wanted him to have the chance to receive the extra care he would need. Especially given the history of special needs in the family.
During the Entrustment Ceremony at the hospital, our son’s birth mom expressed her thoughts in a handwritten poem called God’s Beautiful Gift. In it she talked about sending a prayer to God that he might guide our hands, hearts, and minds down the right path, for our son to become refined and shine. She asked that we pass the poem along to our son when he is old enough. (Which we totally will do.)
It’s incredible how we are all connected in this life. Especially when it comes to our adoption stories. If we choose to see each other with compassion in our hearts, then we will be able to embrace the gifts that are offered to us. And this is something that children can carry with them forever.