Adoption is a beautiful blessing. It is a blessing I encourage everyone to pursue who feels like it might be a step they should take. While many people are ready to adopt who may not feel they are, there are also many who think they are ready to adopt who should not pursue adoption. For a multitude of reasons, adoption is not for everyone. It may not be the right time right now, or not the right time ever. Here are three red flags to look out for that may mean you should NOT adopt.
Adopting to Save a Marriage
It may seem shocking, but adopting or seeking a pregnancy in order to try and “save” a relationship is unfortunately all too common. Some may go into an adoption plan with the best of intentions, thinking a child will bring them and their partner together. However, this does not typically tend to be the case. While children are a blessing and a joy, they also put even more strain on already strained relationships. If you do not have a solid relationship with your partner, now may not be the time to adopt. Focus on your partner and gaining a healthy relationship before bringing a child into the mix.
You or Your Partner is Not Fully on Board
Trying to save a marriage is not the only way a relationship may be ruined through adoption. You or your partner may have your heart set on adoption. You may have always thought you would adopt and even have talked with your partner about it before. However, people change. Plans change. If you or your partner is not committed to adoption 100%, you should definitely wait to adopt or change your course. Adoption is not for everyone. You can certainly take the time to make sure you and your partner are educated about all aspects of adoption in order to make an informed decision, but at the end of the day, if you or your partner are not on board with adoption, you should not start on the adoption journey. Going against a partner’s wishes, especially with a decision as impactful as adoption, will only create resentment and discord.
You’re Drowning in Debt
While you do not have to be rich in order to adopt, adoption is very expensive. There are ways for those with an average income to adopt such as grants or loans. However, if you are drowning in debt, you need to address that first. Agencies will not be looking for you to be rich, but they will make sure you are financially able to take on the responsibility of a child. If you are hemorrhaging money each month and not even making it to the next paycheck, this may disqualify you even if you decide to try to move forward. Adding a child to the mix will only make that debt worse and is not fair to the child. Take the bull by the horns and sort out your finances so you can adopt when the time is right.