Reality #1: There is no such thing as “color blindness.”

If you are proclaiming as a potential or new parent that you are “color blind” and that “skin color doesn’t matter,” please examine what you are saying—and stop saying it. Stop believing it. If you cannot do that, then do not adopt a child of a different race.

Your belief that skin color is not a “thing” only contributes to the problem of race relations and stereotyping in this world. You can’t deny what is sadly omnipresent in our society—you must face it, fiercely and with coping mechanisms at the ready. Now is not the time to bury your head in the sand and proclaim that “skin color doesn’t matter.” As much as we’d like to believe that it doesn’t, the reality is much different.

For example, in a 2015 blog post for Today’s Parent, author Jackie Gillard (Caucasian woman and mom of daughter Nyah, adopted from South Africa), had this to say:

“We live in a diverse community, and perhaps I was a little naive, but I didn’t imagine the color of her skin would be such an issue. We knew before her adoption that a black child in a white family would invite questions and opinions, which we thought we’d be able to answer with educated, sensitive responses. We accept being an example for the evolving definition of ‘family’ but didn’t anticipate that we (and Nyah) would feel such resentment toward all the scrutiny. She has been called ‘poop’ by some kids in her class and has been told by others that her skin color is the reason she’s left out of playgroups. I feel guilty that she has to deal with any of this; I simply wanted to be a mother. Nyah has told me a few times that she wishes she ‘matched’ her family and has even asked me if I wish I’d made a white baby in my tummy instead of adopting her. We assure her often that we love her because of her beautiful skin, not in spite of it. How can I explain that I only wish I had conceived and given birth to her?”

Robyn Wells (mom of an adopted son from Ethiopia) explained to writer Karen Valby in an adoption article for Time Parents that she was prepared for many realities of transracial adoption but “at no point in the process of considering transracial adoption did I think I would have to teach my son how to stay alive.”

Reality #2: With the adoption of your child comes a new culture that your family gets to be part of.

Get ready for your world to become bigger, because as a transracial adoptive family, you get to dive into a whole other culture that your family is now directly connected to, thanks to your child. The benefits of this cannot be overstated. For example, when my husband and I adopted our son from South Korea, we were overwhelmed by the acceptance we felt as part of the South Korean culture. We joined an adoptive parents playgroup that consisted of other couples who had adopted children from South Korea through our agency. We have attended Korean holiday celebrations, met many families from South Korea, went to a Korean Culture Camp run by Korean Americans for families with adopted children from South Korea, and the list goes on. We now consider South Korea to be part of our family’s culture. Had we not adopted our son, this huge and important piece of our life would have never existed. Katie, adoption blogger at Loving Well Living Well and white mom of an adopted black daughter, says it best in her blog post “10 Truths and Realities of Transracial Adoption,” reminding parents to not only embrace their child’s culture but to face the difficulties and challenges of being a transracial family head-on: 

“To have an additional layer of heritage, culture, and race imprinted in your family’s makeup creates a life that is richer, deeper, and fuller. To embrace a community, a way of life, and a culture that may differ than the one you were born into opens your eyes to a beauty which may not have been exposed without having a family member born from that community. That honor comes with a distinct obligation a parent must face square on to ensure a successful transracial adoption experience. Unfortunately, this responsibility can be unintentionally neglected and has led to damaging effects on a child’s identity, understanding, and coping mechanisms which continue throughout their life.”

For Katie’s recommendations on how parents can equip their children (and themselves) to deal with racism and stereotypes, read her full blog post here.

Reality #3: You are not “saving” your child. Don’t adopt simply because you want to be some sort of hero.

Please do not let the concept of “saving a poor, innocent child” be the reason that you adopt a child—any child, let alone a child of another race. Karen Valby, a mom and writer who lives in Austin, Texas with her husband (both of them are white) and two daughters, one Ethiopian and one African American, says this about Jane Jeong Trenka’s memoir, The Language of Blood, in which Trenka discusses the “imposition of forced gratitude”:

“Neighbors in her all white conservative Minnesota town loved to remind her how very lucky she and her sister were that their German Lutheran parents rescued them from Korea. Her parents called her ‘chosen,’ a verbal tic that made the author feel like a sale item from a department store. Any questions or fantasies about her birth mother seemed like a betrayal of their gift of family. How can one build an authentic relationship of love and trust with a person to whom you’ve been made to feel you owe an unpayable debt?”

—From Valby’s article in Time Magazine Parents, titled “The Realities of Raising a Kid of a Different Race”

Are you ready to pursue adoption? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to connect with compassionate, nonjudgmental adoption specialists who can help you get started on the journey of a lifetime.

The post 3 Realities of Transracial Adoption appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

Deciding to adopt is a big step, and the decisions don’t end once your answer to adoption is “yes.” In fact, they’ve only just begun! The information that’s out there is endless—and overwhelming. You may be thinking, “Where do I even begin? What do I do now?”

Well, for one—you stop doing all that keyword searching and website scanning. Because we’ve identified some stellar sites that are great guideposts toward your adoption goal.

Are you ready to dig in? Let’s go!

1. For Those Hoping to Adopt a Baby

Adoption.com has an entire section devoted to how to adopt a baby in the United States. This organized site answers questions, by topic, clearly and logically arranged. The design makes navigating the site really nice: It’s uncluttered, with open space and colorful images. It’s a visually appealing exhale into some fresh, open space during a time that can feel complicated and “closed in.”

On this site:

•       Learn about adoption—what it is, and where to start.
•        Check out Lindsey Redfern’s How to Adopt a Baby Guide: The Basics of Domestic Infant Adoption.
•        Download the eBook, Adopting a Baby in the US?, and get inspiration/motivation from noted author and adoptive dad Russ Elkins.
•        Peruse the directory of adoption services (searchable by state).
•        Find a home study professional.
•        Join one of the many parent forums. Get in on the chit-chat, and make lifelong connections!

2. For Those Hoping to Adopt a Child

This covers a wider swath of the adoption arena, but those interested in adopting a baby or infant can still find plenty of great resources:

•        Start with Sandra Benointon’s How to Adopt a Child Guide.
•        Check out the waiting child photolisting. (Talk about an explosion of cuteness!)
•        Get marketing tips and insights helpful to hopeful parents. Create YOUR perfect “Parent Profile” that explains to birth parents why they should choose you to adopt their baby. And read success story after success story of happy families united through adoption.

3. For Those Seeking Strong Community

Adoption.com is the online home to the world’s largest adoption community: Almost 241,000 members! Nearly 3 million posts to date! What else?

•        Forums – Connect with others about how to adopt a baby and more.
•        Questions – Get answers to all of your adoption questions—both common and not so common.
•        Groups – Join one. Join several. As you scroll, you’ll see group names like Hoping to Adopt a Baby. How to Choose an Adoption Professional. What to Expect During Your Adoption Journey. Take a deep dive into community—you’ll find the support you’re seeking.
•        Adoption Blogs – Immerse yourself in the words/experiences of adoption professionals and those in the adoption triad.
•        Videos – You’ll need a box of tissues handy for this one. It’ll inspire you to stay the course!

4. For Those Seeking the Latest Adoption News

Adoption News covers up-to-the-minute articles on families’ adoption stories, struggles, and successes. Everything from how-to articles to blogs. From a “sweet and soft teen with special needs” seeking her forever family to a son who donated his kidney to his adoptive mom, many of these stories will keep you smiling—and ever hopeful that adoption will happen to you, too.

5. For Those Seeking the Modern-Day Magic 8-Ball, Take 1

Can you say, “Q & A”?

This next website is helpful in a way that feels very different from the support/info you receive on Adoption.com. (But, these two sites are complementary—not opposing.) It just depends on the way you as a researcher and future parent choose to search for and receive your information. The structure of this website is brilliant—it’s set up as a series of questions. And what is the one thing that prospective adoptive parents have, more than anything else? QUESTIONS!

The site’s most prominent feature is “The Big Blue Search Box” at the top of the home page. It’s structured as a series of fields to be filled in—name, contact info, dropdown list of topics (one of which is “I am hoping to adopt”), and, finally, the magic field: “Ask a Question.” Enter your question, and then click or unclick a box saying, “I would like to be contacted by an adoption professional that can help answer my question.” It’s like a magic 8 ball, except it’s blue and rectangular. And although you can’t hold it in your hand, it’s a mouse-click away—and so are the answers to all of your questions.

6. For Those Seeking the Modern-Day Magic 8-Ball, Take 2

Although The Big Blue Search Box is a key part of this website, it’s not the only part. There’s a lot more to the site as you scroll down. Let’s revisit the fact that this site is organized entirely by a series of topical questions.

This site’s look is attractive and calming, mainly for its use of soft, muted color, visually appealing photographs, and a nice ratio of open space to accessible “boxes” of information. Each question appears in a box, along with a visual, a small blurb, and “Read More.” It doesn’t overwhelm you with “too much information” or “too many links all at once.” It’s just the right amount of information for an adoption-researching brain to process. For each “question box,” you can quickly scan the content, decide if it’s worth a deeper dive, and either read more or move on.

The questions in each box vary from “What education do I need before I can adopt?” to “What should I look for in an adoption-related counselor?” to “What do birth mothers wish adoptive parents knew?”

Well, there’s one thing we know for sure: You can do this. Dive deep. Get the answers you seek from these 6 stellar sources! At the other end of all of this research is the baby you were meant to parent. Have faith, and never give up hope that it’ll happen.

For more information on how to adopt a baby, visit Adoption.com. To show your support for adoption and give an adoption gift for someone in the adoption triad, visit AdoptionGifts.com.

Considering adoption? Let us help you on your journey to creating your forever family. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post 6 Stellar Sources For Those Seeking To Adopt A Baby appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.