There’s not much to do while you’re temporarily living in a hotel room with a newborn, but it’s actually the perfect scenario for bonding. My son and I spent some time skin-to-skin, which is becoming a more common hospital practice between moms and babies. Even though I didn’t give birth to him, I still felt like it was important for us to spend time bonding this way. Research shows that skin-to-skin has health benefits for babies, such as stabilizing body temperature, breathing, and heart rate. Babies also cry less, and parents are thought to be more confident and relaxed. Moms and dads can both partake in this bonding, too. So, spend some time with your naked baby on your bare chest and get to know one another! Other physical ways to bond with your newborn might be bath time or adoptive breastfeeding.

Cocooning is another great way for adoptive parents to bond with their newborns or even older children. The definition of cocoon is “to envelop or surround in a protective or comforting way,” and that’s exactly what the goal of cocooning is for adoptive parents. Cocooning is about setting boundaries with family and friends and focusing on your little family. Ideally, adoptive parents do all the caring for their child; all the feeding, diapering, soothing–anything and everything their child needs. It’s not that you don’t want other people to love on your child, but it’s about creating connection and stability. It’s all about bonding. Some parents may want to practice cocooning for a year, while others may do it for just a few weeks. Find something that really works for your family. 

Lastly, get to know your child’s birth family; it’s a peek into their DNA and history. Open adoptions, though they vary in openness, are thankfully very common today. We were fortunate to spend time with our son’s birth mom after he was born. We got to ask questions and see and hear her. She is part of our son, so it was important for us to know her and continue growing our relationship with her. As I bond with her, I feel more closely bonded to my son.

Considering adoption? Let us help you on your journey to creating your forever family. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post How to Bond with Your Child appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

1.      Cocooning

For a new adoptive family, cocooning can be so important as you implement family ties and new family rules. Although it can be tough, cocooning is crucial to your new child’s understanding of home. Cocooning typically means staying home for 2-3 months after pick up, refraining from doing things that contain lots of strangers and new places (i.e. church, family gatherings, play groups, etc). This also means controlling who comes into your home. Lessening the amount of people who come into your child’s new space will help them realize that this home is their new place of safety and that their new immediate family are the ones who live there.

2.      Family Contact Only

When your new child needs a diaper change, water, food, new clothes, or anything that is important to their survival and health, you, as the parents, need to be the ones to supply those. Your child needs to be seeking you out for things they need–not grandma, teacher, or the babysitter. Even if this means you are feeding people constantly all day long without any help, doing this for the first few months will help set you up as the caregivers. It will help your child realize that you are the ones they need to reach out to for help or assistance. Limiting contact with anyone outside your immediate family will help too – grandma will just have to be okay with high fives and handshakes for a couple months. Hugs and kisses need to be reserved for mom, dad, and siblings only for a little while. Your extended family can always help out in other ways, like doing the laundry, cooking meals, helping to run errands, or taking your other (well attached) children out to play.

3.      Bump up the Love

Hug, kiss, love on your child. Physical touch is so important to their growth and, especially if they are an older child, they most likely haven’t had the touch and care that a well-attached child would have. Doing these things will not only help them attach to you, it will also help encourage attachment from you to them (which can sometimes be even more challenging). 

4.      Meet them where they are.

Your child will come home with difficulties, even if you took them home right from the hospital. Stress and trauma can be transferred even in utero, so big things, like an adoption, can make even attachment with a newborn a little difficult. But, especially if your child is older, they are coming home to you with a history, a past that is all they know. The developmental delays, physical issues, misunderstandings, inappropriate behaviors, etc. are all how they have survived their past life. Meeting them where they are can be really tough – you want to push them and love them until they meet their potential! But, helping show them that you love them unconditionally, that you care no matter what, is the most important building block you can create. Accepting and meeting them where they are can be the foundation you need to spur on an appropriate attached relationship with your new child.

Attachment, both your child to you and you to your child, can be a difficult thing. Learning about proper bonding with someone with immediacy isn’t natural, so using these methods will help to foster the appropriate attachment your family needs to grow. If things continue to get difficult, please seek out a skilled and knowledgeable counselor, either for your child or yourself.

Do you feel there is a hole in your heart that can only be filled by a child? We’ve helped complete 32,000+ adoptions. We would love to help you through your adoption journey. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post 4 Methods That Will Help Adoptive Families Bond appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

1. Creative parenting is key.

Creative love, creative words, creative discipline, creative bonding experiences; creativity all the way around. Our house is a free for all, and that means we do what works. Some days it means time outs, some days it means time ins, some days it means wrestling with daddy before bed, some days it means a quiet book before bed, some days it means adventuring outside all day, some days it means making a tape road through the entire house and driving Hot wheel cars from one end to the other. As I am typing this, I am thinking that this doesn’t sound intentional at all, however, the intent lies in the creativity.

2. You must know your child.

Study them, talk to them, get to know them, and remember what you learn. Our 5-year-old son is starting to recognize the fact that we love getting to know him, and it brings a smile to my heart when I see him figure that out. When I bring his favorite snack to preschool pick up or when his dad finds a job they can do together that he knows our son will enjoy, that is showing him how much he matters to us and how valuable he is to our family.

3. Be available.

Continually. Every second of every day. Forever. Kids need to know you are there and always will be. Adopted kids need to know it just as much and sometimes, even more. Make it known, and if you ever fail, apologize and don’t fail again. Bedtime at our house is a nightmare, every single night. We have a 5-year-old adopted son with Sensory Processing Disorder, a 3-year-old adopted daughter and a 1-year old biological son. Bedtime is a nightmare. Did I say that already? Being available at bedtime is a necessity, and they want us right there, every single night. Read me a book mommy, lay with me daddy, sing a beautiful song to me mommy, tickle my back daddy, don’t leave until I’m asleep mommy. It is a challenge, but we have become very aware, after about four years of our own ignorance, that their little hearts and minds need to know that we will be there whenever they need us.

4. Take every opportunity to bind your hearts together. 

This past summer I read an article titled ‘Take the trip.’ I immediately sent it to my husband with pictures of beach resorts soon to follow. He came home from work and sighed a big, stressful sigh but then hugged me and said, “Of course, we will take the trip.” He’s awesome like that. We adopted our daughter in June and we took the trip in September. We had no money, seriously, but it was the best trip we have ever taken as a family. We stayed on the beach with my in-laws, and we relaxed, beached, pooled, and slept. We didn’t run to the aquarium, we didn’t eat out, we didn’t go to the gift shop every day. It was marvelous, and it was just another experience that imprinted our love on their little hearts and minds. Take the trip, friends, make memories that they will not forget. 

5. Be intentional.

Be intentional in your love, studying, availability and bonding. Intent. Give them your best and forever is sure to be yours.

Happy adopting!

Are you ready to pursue adoption? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to connect with compassionate, nonjudgmental adoption specialists who can help you get started on the journey of a lifetime.

The post 5 Things You Need To Create a Forever Adoptive Family appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.

First of all, be proactive about adoption! Decide ahead of time how your family and child is going to handle this topic. Are you an open book? Do you want to keep things personal and not discuss the details? Whatever you decide, decide it ahead of time. Realize that adoption looks and feels different to each family and that no two families may handle it the same way–and that’s okay! Make sure to let your child’s school know which path you prefer to take before your child or their school district becomes uncertain and makes things uncomfortable. Don’t hesitate to spell it out either. Clear expectations or boundaries put everyone at ease. They know what they can or cannot say or do, and your child won’t have to take on the role of middle-man.

Also, whether or not you want to keep your personal life private or not, use this opportunity to educate others at the school. Does their library offer books on the topic? Chances are you researched adoption long and hard as the process went on, so share that knowledge! Give ideas of some favorite books for both adults and children that the library may want to invest in. Perhaps you have a subscription to a favorite adoption magazine that you could offer to donate to the school library? Or get completely involved and offer to read to your (younger child’s) classroom as a guest one day using your favorite book on the topic of adoption.

Sometimes it’s good to recognize the obvious and call it out before your child’s friends do. For example, our children’s last names changed with the adoption in the middle of the school year. Rather than pretend that it didn’t happen we celebrated it! We sent cupcakes and balloons and invited classmates to a party at our house. Of course, this brought with it TONS of questions, but I highly suspect these questions would’ve surfaced eventually anyway. This became a quick blast of questions and before the novelty wore off and things settled right back down. It was a personal choice to take on the adoption like we did but I felt it was better than all the shadowy questions and whispers–people felt more comfortable with the topic because we were. And, to be honest it made it easier to catch the inappropriate or uncomfortable questions right away and let others know when it was out of line. 

You could take the focus off of your particular adoption altogether and just try to see if your school would be interested in doing something for National Adoption Month. Maybe just bringing awareness helps the subject not seem so daunting to discuss. Depending on how far you want to take things, perhaps you could set up some type of clothing or toy drive for foster care kids waiting for adoption. Lots of local resources should be available with a simple search online and nearly all would gladly welcome the thoughts and gifts.

Adoption is a personal issue but it doesn’t have to be a quiet one. Adoption can be loud, colorful, creative, and HAPPY. Your local school is just another member of the village it takes to raise your child. They will be supportive no matter which path is right for you, just make sure you let them know which path that is!

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1. Adopting to Save a Marriage

It may seem shocking, but adopting or seeking a pregnancy in order to try and “save” a relationship is unfortunately all too common. Some may go into an adoption plan with the best of intentions, thinking a child will bring them and their partner together. However, this does not typically tend to be the case. While children are a blessing and a joy, they also put even more strain on already strained relationships. If you do not have a solid relationship with your partner, now may not be the time to adopt. Focus on your partner and gaining a healthy relationship before bringing a child into the mix.

2. You or Your Partner is Not Fully on Board

Trying to save a marriage is not the only way a relationship may be ruined through adoption. You or your partner may have your heart set on adoption. You may have always thought you would adopt and even have talked with your partner about it before. However, people change. Plans change. If you or your partner is not committed to adoption 100%, you should definitely wait to adopt or change your course. Adoption is not for everyone. You can certainly take the time to make sure you and your partner are educated about all aspects of adoption in order to make an informed decision, but at the end of the day, if you or your partner are not on board with adoption, you should not start on the adoption journey. Going against a partner’s wishes, especially with a decision as impactful as adoption, will only create resentment and discord.

3. You’re Drowning in Debt

While you do not have to be rich in order to adopt, adoption is very expensive. There are ways for those with an average income to adopt such as grants or loans. However, if you are drowning in debt, you need to address that first. Agencies will not be looking for you to be rich, but they will make sure you are financially able to take on the responsibility of a child. If you are hemorrhaging money each month and not even making it to the next paycheck, this may disqualify you even if you decide to try to move forward. Adding a child to the mix will only make that debt worse and is not fair to the child. Take the bull by the horns and sort out your finances so you can adopt when the time is right.

If you want to learn more about how to adopt a baby, or adopt a child, visit Adoption.com.

The post 3 Red Flags That Mean You Should NOT Adopt appeared first on Adoption Articles | Transracial, Guides, International, Parenting.